Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
