there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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