What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
