everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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