you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
