Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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