Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
