yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
