i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
