She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
