I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
