I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
