Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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