You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
