well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she pinky promised me she was 18
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i think my cat just said my name.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
