its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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