nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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