My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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