i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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