you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
