Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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