blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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