I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
