you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
