I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
