I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
