just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You are a genius and a whore.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
