alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
