Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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