nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
