$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Buhtt sex?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
