what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
bring money and cleavage
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
