i jhust puked up my retainher.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
