you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
