his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
