Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
