real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
