How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
