She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
