Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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