just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
