Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
