I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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