as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
