Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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