Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
