My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need a beard to bite.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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