Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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