here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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