kristin has been a bad kristin
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
