I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
